1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
