Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
