Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
