He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
