i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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