he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
