Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
