he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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