Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
