He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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