i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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