dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
