Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
