So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
