All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
