I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
