oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
