What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
