why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
