after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
