you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
