Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
