Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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