dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize