Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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