speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
