i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
