Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
