I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
