im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize