I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can't just leave with hair like that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
