I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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