apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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