I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
