the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
