she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
