god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i out mim tonsoeep
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