Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
