After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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