We won't sleep together?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
