yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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