Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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