things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
