doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
