I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
