Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
