I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize