Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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