she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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