Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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