Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
