its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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