I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Vodka?
Forever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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