I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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