Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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