Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
