Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
