I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
