PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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