thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
"it" just moved
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
