is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize