I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
