Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Houston, we have a blender
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
