So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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