If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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