Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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