you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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