Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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