"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
