remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
