3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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