i just had sex bonerless
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
