He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
