The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
