And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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