Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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