Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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