While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
