So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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