I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
