It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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