we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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