dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
