i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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