She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize