I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
