My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
