You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
