she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
