Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
