You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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