I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
