So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
