so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
