She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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