i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
